December 26th, 2006

my ears heighten everytime a vehicle passes by…obviously waiting for the bombarding growl of his car signaling his presence…and how glad i become more with what comes after the roar…and this night wasn’t an exception…

maybe it’s exaggeration but the absence does make the heart grow fonder…in my case, it has become erratic….but maybe he’s right… they are…that to due idealisms that the expectations heighten…and while it has not been met, grief will take place…

reasons boil down to being new…this has always been what dwelled in my mind…and as it unfolds, it becomes the source of happiness which transcends into moods…with the desire to feel it as each rise of the sun that at times it doesn’t, the soul becomes untranquilized…….

but understanding is a virtue challenged all the time… strengthened by unconditioned devotion and love to its most sincere form….then little by little the bewildered heart succumbs to what idealisms refuse to teach…that blinds the seer of what is real… and existent……

i have lived in fairytales…in mermaids…in books …in movies….and now i realize that fulfillment is not hundred percent equated with such…that it can equate and even surpassed by reality……. different process and ways are far more joyous than what the mind imagined…

yes i am learning…still struggling, but continues to will…and as long i undoubtedly feel so much for him….i still will….

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