Six months of Emotional Fiasco

                  It was 6 months ago when I posted my entry and then on, I became busy managing other blogsites that I never had the time to update mine.

The 6 months was a crazy time for me.   I  had the best summer escapade with friends at a beautiful place called El Nido. It was a vacation on the beach for 5 days and away from the busy life in the city.

I also had the worse relationship break-up right after that. The one person who I thought will take care of me turned out to be the one who fooled me all along. Like any cheater, he had me thinking he was not committed to somebody else. I  was the recipient of his sad stories, in attempt to ease his guilt. But then again,  I refuse to go back to those moments  which now I see as shameful and disgusting.

And there’s the last blow.  I lost  someone who I grew up with, due to untoward lies that wasn’t called for.   Someone dear have turned back on years of friendship.  I admit fault.  I sincerely do but given the same choice, I would do it again not because of breaking promises but because it was the only choice to know reality of things.

Then I began to understand that when you sincerely ask for forgiveness, it doesn’t bring back everything. It doesn’t give you peace, only affirmation of the mistake. You can only want the friendship to last, but sometimes it just does not.

With this, I realized how much you are worth to that person you caused hurt. I realize now that there is nothing to save.  I see no value anymore to the person I was,  years beyond this.  I admit fault but not as being a bad person. I admit fault but not as somebody unreliable. I admit fault but not as a disloyal friend.   But then again, friendship is not something that you force to happen and control to last.  I had a good one and I lost it. Sometimes when it’s obvious that doors won’t let you in, it’s time to let go.

Now, I am picking pieces because I deserve to be happy. I am regaining strength for I know , I have to be more than better. I smile again and enjoy each day without looking back at what I have been.  I may not understand the reason for those yet,  but I have faith that something good is up next.

I am grateful. I still am.

Advertisements