(April 2nd, 2006)

 

I was lurking in the dark for sometime and found glittering threads which somehow paced a smile on my face…I learned to stop waddling and face each day in a positive way…it was self regained once again…still haunted but have managed somehow to sweep a lot of things aside… it was the most unpopular strategy to move on which came in really handy….

but as I placed both of my feet on the ground…i am being tested again…a tear has to be wiped to forget how it came there in the first place …. and that is putting a scare on me now…this was just like before…exactly the same…the words..the gestures, even how my mind is being read…

and in the exact manner..i am responding…in the same exact manner i am holding back..in the same exact manner i am denying everything to myself…trying hard to draw lines for reasons of history repeating itself…and i am exhausted…very exhausted

but as i write this entry..i am getting more scared for the only gauge that I have of being there again is when i am being disturbed sooo much at times when i become unnoticed..and a few minutes ago, just few minutes ago… my mood fluctuated with that..

this is giving me the creeps ….for in the same exact manner I could not distinguish again truth from fallacy..and in the same exact manner, i have become vulnerable again without knowing …….=(

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