My emotions got the better of me today. I remember Janice, my friend working in Manila, when she used to tease me “do i have a priority number?”. I remembered a bad memory of waking up in her condo, feeling really bad for waiting that seemed forever, then getting my ass up and finding ways to kill time in attempt to lose track of moments and eventually shortening the emotional drag. I remember getting out of her unit, going up to the last floor, taking a quick dip in the pool..then waiting again. It’s a heavy feeling… waiting is always a heavy feeling.
Maybe some of us are better in understanding situations than others, maybe some are not. But whichever we are, there are times when we snap out suddenly and a gush of emotions happens. There are times when we feel bad on things because we know we deserve better yet we seem to end up begging. Much more, we feel bad because we can’t have what we want, no matter what we do, for it’s not just the way things are.
Life is weird. It gives you the best feeling yet at times, it doesn’t give you everything in a silver platter. I have always been grateful, up until now. But human as I am, I feel it’s treachery once in a while. I had to feel difficult to appreciate what’s nice. And if I am given little time, I have to feel heavy to appreciate the little that I get. But there are days when the rope in bearing is short that you just need air to breathe and exhale. It is the most realistic thing you can do. Then you begin to see again that everything is good.
It’s a long tough road and I don’t know how many more times it will break me. But in so far of what has been on my way, I still choose to trudge along this path because this where I am happy.