Hurting in Solitude

 In our solitude, our strength is put into test…our minds into turmoil  and our hearts into  clarity.
There will always be one time in our lives when we meet another person who we think are better off with us..someone who we just spark conversations with..someone who naturally moves and thinks the way you do…someone who breathes the same air that you practically do…someone who sees life, exactly the way you do..
But then again when reality sinks in..she would understand that it was just all part of the moment…that the magic was there for no one else shared their time with…that whatever it was, it happened because it had no other choice but to  transpire….
It’s sad thinking that no matter how hard she tries to avoid it..and think so hard that it hasn’t sank..the moment that she realizes that it’s no longer there, the very moment she knows that she has expected unknowingly that it will last..And when she thought her guards are all up, she realizes that she embraced the thought of that person getting into her system..
Then in solitude of a sudden change of air…she begins to think of what transpired…what was it in the first place? What was it that made her smile? What was it that made her day? What was it that made her anticipated each day? What was it that made her break rules? What was it that made her push forward? What was it that made her attempt to test the limits? What was it that  made her happy?
             What was it that seemed to be the answer to a question she cannot even put into words…?
              All she knew that it didn’t have names for it…nor any word near enough to describe it. Then zoomed in on the word…SEEM…it all seemed real…she knew it wanted it to be real..
He who cannot give her the attention she wants, she doesn’t choose. He who cannot make her feel his priority, she will have second thoughts on. He who fails to make her feel special, will have to go.He who will again make her feel neglected  will have to be forgotten. She has  cursed that feeling and anyone who is close to doing that will have to be shut off.
         Sometimes, we get so carried away with what we miss having that the moment somebody gives it to us, we rebel but actually undeniably becomes happy with it. We’re just humans…I am. And I believe, we all have answers to our own difficult questions. I have found mine and in the heaviness that I feel now…i have succumb to acceptance… the best that i can do to stop being sad.
        Things happen for a reason…some reasons I will still never understand. I have smiled and my spirits are lifted. I have forgotten for a moment where my rightful place is. With the lump in my throat at this moment, I realize again…I shouldn’t have left my place…shouldn’t have wiggled around…it is the place I should be in and where I should remain to be…happiness is how one defines it..but then standing up for it, can be a complicated process.