(December 30th, 2007 )
i hate it when i’m left at my pc and emotions just keep rushing in…tomorrow is 2008..and as much as I prevent myself from looking back at 2007 (like all the TV programs do..), I just cant…
I have been through a LOT ..hehehe…that’s all…
and many have been offering their support and love, and I appreciate it sooo much….but I don’t know if they really understand what I just went through…as they say, each experience is unique.
but I have been relieved…I have forgiven. Forgiveness has been asked (thank you for that…it wasn’t easy I know) . Whether it was asked with sincerity or not, forgiveness is something you have no choice but to give to…hoarding it will just make you feel all the hurt again and again. Forgiving is the start of trying to forget everything. ..( besides, a wrong decision will never make me stop enjoying life)
and as to lessons…yeah I have learned a few…that if there is one mistake in your whole lifetime that you can tolerate, it is when you are kind even to those who are undeserving.
that one should remain to love herself …one should never forget that AT ALL TIMES (and at all cost). Strong women tend to rationalize all the time and think they still have the respect for themselves but when you start doing things beyond what you believed for so long, beyond your own principles, when you become the person who you warn your troubled friends about and you deny it to yourself even how obvious it is…then you have lost yourself while loving others.
that there are things that are beyond your control… accept it and drop it. You can’t change a person…you can only wish they will for you…you can only forgive and if they don’t change, then you are NOT the One (even if you think you were raised well to deserve it). It’s never wrong to risk loving (that’s what they say)…but there’s a limitation to risking just for things to work out. Trust your instincts, they are not synonymous to paranoia…don’t ever believe that explanation. No one is perfect (i have my shortcomings) but all are due with some degree of respect.
that no one will protect yourself but you alone…putting your guards totally down coz of trust will result to something more hurting to yourself only…
that one should learn how not to give a damn at everything..hehehe…whether expressing oneself makes that bad person rejoice over something he triumphed on you about…So what? Send the message across… keeping it and keeping your pride (so they say) won’t change things anyway. If they rejoice over your woes, then you will prove to yourself the truth behind the lies…you will learn then to smile.
that when you listen to your friends….put all that has been said in your mind, no matter how unbelievable it is. They have known you for so long and you have been through a lot with them together.. they have all the credibility to say things to you.. they see more than you do.
And always PRAY…for understanding, strength and guidance…to make you see things positively all the time…to keep respecting boundaries and learning to appreciate still the source of your weeping (hate the game, not the player). Praying never fails.