(December 10th, 20070

last saturday, i went to petite’s birthday bash, a dear college friend in up..

“it’s good that you’re back…” for 3 meets with separate set of old friends, i have been told of…and amidst the party roar, involuntary thoughts just rushed……. .

there was some point, i asked god what He wanted to tell me…i begged that i would understand His purpose for everything that He just made me underwent….

i believed before that i was soo much in control of my life and my choices and at the same time i recognized that wisdom to do such came from Him…with all that just happened, i now couldn’t understand where He is leading me to…amidst all emotions, i never dared to question Him, but in desperation i did ask Him to make me understand
what is this all for….

before, i knew who i was, inside out…. i knew what people liked about me…i knew my strengths and my weaknesses…i knew what my principles in life are and my ideals…i knew what i wanted to do and how to do it…i knew life the way i want to live ….. and that was what i wanted to share

but then somewhere along the line… i met a person who made me realize that it may not be like that all the time….we make choices that would make us do otherwise for something we would think would be more fulfilling…that unnoticingly, the strong persona u had will be altered and placed on the side…

to have that change was a decision …. an unavoidable choice…but coupled with that change are reactions from people who i have been with for a long time……….and for some reason, the only way to protect all of them from a dreadful answer are closed eyes and ears.. and hope that they will understand.

but i keep on learning….no, i don’t regret the choices i made, the sacrifices that i had to do, the life i tried to live, the man i fought for ….for it all felt right at the time it was made…while others perceive that my emotions may be betraying me but how else would you do it…like i always say , my emotions will always make me feel human…

i am slowly picking up my pieces and getting my old self back… appreciating each piece more….i enjoy life with friends, i pull them out of their places… i stress my
self with them again….. i couldn’t believe i am with them again considering my
long absence…….

i can open my mind to a lot of possibilities…but my emotions will overrule them…i was complete when all of these came…i held on to what i had because i wanna share my completeness with though i have been alone all along, struggling to prove to everyone that what i had was different and special ……now, i am complete still…